I was talking with a group of folks the other day about Don Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements, which are based on wisdom of the ancient Toltec people of southern Mexico. They are:
1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
In our conversation, we pretty much all agreed that the first three were more or less a given as to how anyone should act for the benefit of themselves as well as others. We also agreed that numbers 2 and 3 were not necessarily easy, or at least they were easy to fall back to. How could we not never take anything personally? And in time of emotional or spiritual stress it's a pretty good bet we will make an assumption that is not based on fact but rather our personal need to justify our feelings, play the martyr, provide excuses and otherwise try to even a field that may not be tilted but can feel as though it is.
We ran into trouble with number 4. Some expressed that they did not know when they were doing their best. How were they to rate that, to put it on a scale? Others felt it was more akin to doing better, not necessarily putting a finite cap on one's best, but rather having an internal feeling that tells us when we had a relatively good day, or perhaps we came up short in what we knew we needed to do.
I tend to lean to the latter.
How many times have we come home from work, come in from working in the yard or running errands, whatever, and we say to ourselves and/or someone else, "I had a good day?" Perhaps we got what we wanted to accomplish accomplished. We feel good about it. And we're not denying ourselves that feel-good moment.
It doesn't apply to tomorrow, and maybe not two days ago, but today was a good thing. Shouldn't that be enough for that moment?
Is that our best? Could we have done more at work, in the yard, ran another errand? Would that make it, if not our best, better?
I hike. A lot. Sometimes for enjoyment, often for exercise. When doing the latter, I push myself, up hills, through the flats and careening down hills. Trying to make time. I can't say I know my absolute limits. I haven't run a marathon distance such as the Greek runner Phidippides, who died from exhaustion after two 140 mile runs and then a 26 mile run.
I do about five miles in about an hour. If I did six, would that be better? I mean really, it's all relative. Are three aspirin better than two? What if I blew off an appointment to do another mile? What if my joints started to ache to the point that I did damage and couldn't hike on schedule the next time?
We have to put our best efforts into context. Age, ability, desire, time, motivation, desired outcome. If I hiked thirty miles in a day when I was twenty year old and five miles when I am seventy (I am neither, thank you very much), is it fair to say my best hiking day was when I was twenty when doing five at sevently is pretty darn good?
I think whatever project we get ourselves into, whether is be at work, looking for work, being a gracious person, a polite driver, a caring significant other or a loving, responsible parent, we can only look two ways: I am pleased with my efforts (at this moment in time), or I have not done as well as I could (at this moment in time).
We know the truth in ourselves.
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